You met a handsome guy with a beautiful face and a good personality. But while dating him, you get to know that he is suffering from BPD, a borderline personality disorder that can affect a person’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
It can be challenging to date someone with BPD. They may have severe mood swings, impulsive behaviors, and chronic fear of abandonment that can strain your relationship.
What will you do now?
Don’t worry; below, we have gathered a list of useful tips for dating someone with BPD.
1. Educate Yourself on BPD
The first thing you have to do is gain as much knowledge about BPD when dating someone suffering from this disorder. You need to recognize the symptoms and type of BPD your partner suffers from.
It will help you to interact with your partner in a meaningful way. There are four types of borderline personality disorder- discouraged, impulsive, irritable, and self-destructive BPD. A person with this mental illness has symptoms;
- Lack of self-understanding
- Impulsivity
- Lack of self-image
- Emotionally unstable
- Intense aggression
- Severe mood swings
- Fear of abandonment
- Feelings of worthlessness
Knowing about the illness will help you respond to your partner in a way that can protect your relationship from future turmoil.
2. Understand BPD Cycles
It can be challenging to manage BPD in relationships, especially in the case of the dysfunctional pattern called BPD cycles. It usually begins in the honeymoon phase, where your partner with mental illness believes you will never do anything wrong.
A loss of respect and admiration can follow it. After feeling devalued, your partner may feel like ending the relationship. This vicious cycle can last a few days and repeat over and over, leaving both partners emotionally unstable.
Therefore, a better understanding of this cycle will foster a stronger and more secure bond with your partner.
3. Communicate Effectively
Effective communication plays an important role in any type of relationship. People with BPD also have symptoms like deficiencies in problem-solving and communication abilities. In simple words, they misunderstand the messages they receive and convey.
When you’re not effectively communicating with your companion, it can lead to verbally aggressive and emotionally charged conversations in a relationship. Therefore, make sure to understand how your partner possesses your message to give them emotional support when they need it.
You must actively listen and validate your partner’s feelings to prevent unnecessary conflicts and build a stronger relationship.
4. Provide Moral Support
According to research, people with borderline personality disorder don’t do well with those who are not open about talking about their emotions but do well with those who do.
So, if you’re dating someone with BPD, you have to provide them with moral support from an emotional standpoint. It will help them to improve sooner. You can also protect your relationship from future chaos.
5. Don’t Be Impatient
People with borderline personality disorder need time and lifelong commitment to get treated. Being impatient in a BPD relationship can lead to chaos and conflicts between you and your loved one.
So you have to be patient and give time to your partner to cope well with the illness. Also, make sure to show up for care and support when they need it.
6. Detach From Any Negative Consequences
You have to learn to distance yourself from any negative consequences created by your BPD partner. It will help you create a space that is necessary to look at things objectively and make the right decisions.
Make sure to do this in a caring manner. If you start reacting to your loved one’s damaging behavior, it will only develop feelings of guilt and self-blame inside you.
7. Set Healthy Boundaries
Yes, you heard it right! Sometimes, you have to set healthy boundaries between you and your BPD partner. It is one of the crucial steps in a BPD relationship to promote stability and develop adaptive responses when faced with undesirable behaviors.
However, establishing boundaries doesn’t mean you have to control or transform your partner. Instead, you must protect your emotional and mental well-being while respecting theirs.
More importantly, you must also learn how and when to set boundaries. This requires patience and commitment, but once you learn it, it will help you determine what is acceptable and what is not.
It will also help you promote a deeper sense of trust, intimacy, and mutual respect with your partner.
8. Maintain Your Health
It is obvious that your overall health can be negatively affected when you are in a relationship with someone who has BPD. You’ll find yourself isolating, neglecting your mental and physical needs, abusing alcohol, or engaging in other destructive behaviors.
This state of mind will result in increased anger and emotional exhaustion. Therefore, you need to restore a healthy balance in your life by incorporating positive and enjoyable activities.
You can practice stress management, connect with family members, seek therapy, and cultivate meaningful friendships.
9. Understand Your Partner’s Expectations
It is not necessary that your BPD partner’s viewpoints and expectations will be the same as yours. Your partner might have specific errors in how they perceive events.
They may have assumptions like you are their soulmate, you will reject them, or you are the only one who can support them in their emotional turmoil. If you don’t understand their expectations, it can significantly affect how they relate to you.
When you start understanding your partner’s viewpoints, you will interact more effectively with your partner.
10. Ask For Professional Help
Last but not least, asking for a therapist or couples counselor help is the only option left if your partner is suffering from severe borderline personality disorder symptoms or suicidal or self-harming behaviors.
The counselor will suggest some effective treatments, such as dialectical behavior therapy and mentalization-based therapy. These treatments can help your companion regulate their emotions better, reduce impulsive reactions, and address troubled areas.
However, this mental illness can’t be completely cured. However, maintaining a treatment regimen with an experienced professional can show great results.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. What is BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)?
BPD is a mental health disorder that can affect a person’s ability to manage their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. People with this mental illness may experience intense anger, mood swings, depression, and anxiety.
2. How can BPD Affect a Relationship?
BPD can lead to unstable relationships due to extreme emotions and fear of abandonment. Individuals with this disorder may have difficulty maintaining healthy boundaries and may experience intense emotional swings.
3. Is it Hard to Date Someone With BPD?
It can be challenging to date a person suffering from borderline personality disorder, but it is not impossible. You can use these simple and useful tips mentioned above to smoothly run your relationship with someone who has this mental illness.
4. Can You Have a Healthy Relationship With Someone With BPD?
By providing moral support, communicating effectively, and understanding your BPD companion’s expectations, you can have a stable and healthy relationship with them.
5. Can a BPD Relationship Last?
Yes, a BPD relationship can last if you are doing the right things, as we have discussed above in the article. These relationships are usually troubled when your partner has severe symptoms.
6. Is Dating a Person With BPD Worth It?
Dating someone with BPD can affect your self-worth. Their impulsive behaviors, such as substance abuse or self-harm, can make you question your value.
7. When to Walk Away From a BPD Relationship?
It is better to walk away from a BPD relationship when you start feeling anxious or depressed while caring for your partner.
8. When to Seek Professional Help if You Are Dating Someone with BPD?
If your partner is suffering from severe BPD symptoms or displaying self-harming behaviors, it is better to seek professional help.
